12/11/2022

12/11/2022

I started working today Thought was gonna work as a barista but they switched me to a waitress, said i have to wait two weeks to decide whether im suited or not. But I know they were just lying to me. The thing is for me, i lose touch with the person I am if I'm not genuine, in anything in life, even when lying, I need to be utterly genuine when lying. when you know deep down that you lied but at the same time you don't want to admit to yourself that you are a liar then i believe you lose touch with the person you are and you enter an internal crisis.
*ouch my leg hurts from eighy hours of work* thats why most people feel alienated from themselves.
I 80% hate this job Maybe my view changes in the near future.idk.

21/11/2022

22/11/2022

25/11/2022

be cringe, but don't TRY to be cringe, you just act as yourself(whatever that supposed to mean), try not to overthink what people might think of you, they may laugh at you, think that you are silly and cringe, by doing this my friend you set yourself free. the moment you remove the mask, show yourself to them, they will all see you as you from there nothing will stop you from doing anything. being cringe makes me happy because thats who i think i am. everyone is cringe, the ones who hide who they are, afraid that the outside world might judge them, will alwyas live emprisoned, soo here me out! -they will judge you either way so choose the former-.

30/11/2022

I don't like myself around people, I learned in senior year in philosophy class that I am what other perceive me but I don't think that's the case, i know myself better than anyone, I lived with myself my whole life, what do others know about me? they might know stuff I allowed them to know for the sake of "sharing is caring", but they don't know how i feel or what I feel.
they know nothing and I know nothing.
that's why i try not to judge nor construct an opinion on what I think someone is. I mean, sure it could be fun to assume but just for the sake of assuming, nothing more. it's actually a relief to think of it this way, that at least im not the person I think I am around people, or maybe that person is still me, but only around them.