06/06/2022

i changed my mind ._. dont judge me i change my mind a lot
i realized that i stopped writing ever since i decided not to write here anymore. so i guess nthis is not a good idea after all.

it has been a month, writing in here makes me feel like i don't take life and existence for granted, and i think i have been taken it for granted for about a month now. writing is the process of memorising your experience on earth, makes you more close to yourself. lots of stuff has happened that i like to talk aboout, starting from the day of a very good childhood friend with blood cancer, getting accepted in film school and ranked second, and met a guy on discord that i have been talking to literally everyday for a more than a month yesterday was his birthday so i made him a website for his drawings, he doodles some cool stuff with paint, that's actually how we first met, he was streaming himself drawing but before a friend of his sent me a text saying that cloud likes my artwork that i posted in creative corner on healthy gamer, so when i saw him, i went to talk to him and it started like that, and we kept talking everyday, he was with me with every decision i made he listened to me, and i just i feel like we get along easily, he is a really shy guy, private, very private, i always share stuff with him, cuz i don't care but he doesn't talk as much as i am, he said that he doesn't talk at all, and is struggling to make friends, he never had a girlfriend, and that pure child in him made me feel things, made me like talking to him, know more about him, i know this thing won't last, we are just good friends, he still doesnt feel comfortable showing his face to me, maybe because he still needs time, he is still lost, and i understand that, but i guess i won't try hard. i ll just be there for him, won't expect anything. he will go to uni for a masters degree this september and maybe he will change, or meet other people and will forget about me, but i don't think i will forget about him or more like i don't want to forget about him, he is so warm, so soft, that i won't to protect from this harsh world, i dunno i could be falling? for the idea of him with the little information that i have about him but i guess it doesn't matter. it is what it is, i cant prevent myself from being like this, i just meet males, find something beautiful in them, each one of them,